This is Getting REAL

Hello friends.  It has been a LONG time since I've posted anything.  Life here at the Dease house is pretty busy throughout the year...but when summer comes along, we just put our heads down and run from place to place even more than usual.

I see that I left off with a Grandparent's Day redemption story (glad I left things on a good note...).
From there we celebrated Laurels THIRD birthday (how is she 3?) and watched our girls perform in their annual dance recital.

After that, we entered into the busy month of June.  School let out, and the real fun began.  No rushed mornings trying to get Clare off to school, no packing lunches as we run out the door, no crazy hair day or crazy dress day to prep for.  Pure bliss!

We found ourselves doing the usual family things this summer like:  playing at the beach, playing with Munich, watching baseball, enjoying some good sister-time, watching movies at the park,  painting outside, playing at parks, and welcoming the tooth fairy into the home many times over...

Towards the end of June, we rented a car, packed the family up (minus Munich) and took off on a one-way road trip (we flew home...) up the coast of CA and OR.  We stopped in San Francisco the first night, then headed North from there.  We enjoyed the beautiful Redwood Forest (Jonathan, Clare and Laurel's first time visiting) and did all the required tourist activities like driving our car through a Redwood tree.  It was wonderful.  We stayed at lovely inns in the forest and along the coast where we were surrounded by the giant trees and plenty of elk, too.

Overall the trip was a success.  Jonathan learned that our daughters take after me in the car-sick category (poor them...) and experienced some side of the road puking (yuck!), and we endured a couple days of 100 degree weather, but each of us would pack up the car and do it again.  We had such an amazing time.  It was tough to pack our bags and fly home.  All in all our week away was amazing and all four of us are looking forward to our next Dease summer vacation.

Jonathan continues to travel often for work.  The girls and I took advantage of the summer schedule and his being away during the week to spend some extra time at my mom's house where we basically spent our days swimming with Grammie, picking fresh fruit from her trees, building sand castles, enjoying beautiful sunsets and playing in the rain during the occasional desert storm.  We love the freedom that comes with visiting Grammie in the desert.

Now, the summer is nearing an end and reality is starting to hit.  I'm not usually overly emotional about this kind of stuff, but I found myself sitting here, going through Clare's school schedule to update our family calendar, noting her dress code to put together a list of necessary back to school clothes, reviewing her classroom supplies list to begin my next Amazon order, and I realized that I am fighting tears.  My heart is extremely heavy and I'm just amazed that my perfect little baby girl, the human being who made me a mommy for the first time, is getting ready to START SCHOOL.  This isn't pre-school, this is Kindergarden.  This is getting REAL!

Clare is taking a huge step in finding her own identity and independence.  This is such an exciting time for her and I know that she is very ready to be in a classroom, learning and growing 5 full-days per week, but my oh my, I don't think I'm ready.  I thought I was, and I will be fine, of course, but my baby is taking her first significant step out of this nest.  It's the right thing for her; she knows it, I know it, we ALL know it, but she is taking a little piece of my heart with her - and it stings a bit lot.  I understand that much of what I'm feeling has to do with the fact that I've never had to be away from my kids during the day.  I have been so incredibly blessed to be home with them, and now that I am facing the reality of living 5 full days a week without Clare by my side, my heart is aching.

These days I find myself holding Clare a little tighter when we hug.  I've been asking her to cuddle with me a little longer in the mornings.  I find myself staring at her beautiful little face a bit more than usual.  I am trying to soak her up, trying to get as much Clare into my system as possible so that when my days begin to feel very lonely without her here, I can reach into those reserves until she is home, telling me all about her day, and my mommy heart is full again.

 

And if you think I'm having adjustment issues with Clare heading off to Kindergarden, don't even  get me started on how I'm feeling about Laurel starting pre-school two days per week...

So, I will stop this entry here.  I am off to get the kids ready for some time at the zoo.  I am going to try to enjoy these last couple weeks of summer as much as I possibly can.